What should I call this ?

It was around Feb last year , well its december now, 08 seems old now, so Feb 08 actually, yes this year. THe gang wanted to go to a disco and we had passes so we all , Partha, Parag, Girish and me trouped in and of course Sanjida without her we wouldnt have got admittance.

I felt quite strange that night,the atmosphere was 'good' people were dancing around, the DJ was taking down requests but I somehow didnt like it. There was kind of an internal conflict. I felt people were trying too hard to have fun , they were having drinks and dancing around. I somehow felt it was quite cheap. THe ecstasy is external, you put things in your body to make you feel good, but when you are sober you will feel flat, I had to blend in so had a drink but u felt awful that night.I wanted to run away from there . It was quite sudden, I had never thought along those lines, but the more I thought the more reinfrced it became.

That night I will remember , I quit drinking , I want to have something thats permanent , something that came from within , not by gulping stuff and making yourself numb and 'relaxed'.its been 10 months now without a drink and I have never ever been even tempted to hold it .The change was so sudden , my group was like , what happened to you ?. I couldnt explain, so never tried, they would not understand. Initially they all tried to persuade me back to the fold, now they dont try, they respect my choice.

I never thought I will like quit drinking, for life . I still imagined that a bottle of wine by a beach with someone special would be really nice. Or a chilled beer on a hot summer afternoon, but no hard drinks , no more drinks to get drunk and dance around, no more of that for sure. 10 months down the line my experiment is still on, its still intact, probably with more stringer belief.

One thing I understood with this is not to get judgmental about people who continue to booze. Initially I used to look down upon them , cheap , they are yet to learn , understand many things. But now there is a acceptance, its their choice , if it works for them , good for them. I dont feel any conflict any more, there is peace now. There is a new found logic to keep on exploring, accept things which you feel good about, be a good human being and yes find peace.